1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240
- Where you going?
-It's my time.

2
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,799
What's happening?

3
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,559
I love you so fucking much.

4
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,800
Oh... I'm fond of you as well,
big man.

5
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,039
Where did she come from?

6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,839
I don't know.

7
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,840
Save it for later.
THEY CHUCKLE

8
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,080
Morning, Daddies.

9
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,599
HE EXHALES AND LAUGHS

10
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,239
Jordan, who was that lady?

11
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,600
Oh, that's Grainne. She's my babe.

12
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,519
No, Jordy, I'd really love
it if you could tell us

13
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,279
when you're having
a girl - a woman - over.

14
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,399
Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy, maybe you
wanna put a baby monitor in my room

15
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,439
so you can hear us kiss
all night as well.

16
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,839
I want you to tell me honestly,

17
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,359
did you give that woman
any of your pocket money?

18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,279
Really, Daddy? You're going
to call my girl a whore?

19
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,599
OK, if you just sit back down.

20
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,519
Ben, would you mind getting
the diagrams?

21
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,999
No, no,
I'm not listening to this again.

22
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,679
I'm not listening to
the birds and the bees.

23
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,359
I'm not your little boy any more.

24
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,199
I'm a man! I'm not
sucking your titties any more!

25
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,359
My double Daddies'
double-D titties!

26
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,000
I'M A MAN!

27
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,679
Oh, come on, Lorcy.

28
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,719
Honestly, everyone
in England does it.

29
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,919
It's old hat.

30
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,399
- Old hat?
- Mm-hm.

31
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,359
You're talking
about eating my arse here, Gemma,

32
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,519
not some oul' beat up trilby.

33
00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:00,479
Hey, don't let this backward,
two-bit town bring you down.

34
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,919
Eatin' arse is quite
literally back to front.

35
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,799
Do you realise what
you're committing to?

36
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,400
It would be an honour
and a privilege to eat your arse.

37
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,039
I'm going to eat your butt.
I'm going to eat your butt.

38
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,520
SHE CHOMPS

39
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,159
Are you gonna just stand there
all day poking your hole,

40
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,319
or are you gonna say something?

41
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,799
Ah, sorry, Mr Boggin.

42
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,919
Are Lorcan and Gemma around?

43
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:33,719
I could just use a break from Jordan
and his new girlfriend, you know?

44
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,560
You're like the shite that
just won't flush, aren't you?

45
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,120
Yeah.

46
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,439
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

47
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,360
LORCAN MOANS

48
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,000
SHE GASPS

49
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,920
Oof!

50
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,880
Ah! Oh!

51
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,399
LORCAN MOANS

52
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,519
Ooh, fuck me, that's tara, bai.

53
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,879
They just treat me
like such a baby sometimes.

54
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,559
Oh, you're no baby, Jordan.

55
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,279
You've all the hallmarks of manhood.

56
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,639
A manly stink...
SHE CHUCKLES

57
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,759
...a receding hairline.

58
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,319
That thing is
hanging on for dear life.

59
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,799
You'll be like Jason Statham
soon enough.

60
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,959
Like an ocean coming in on
the high tide of your forehead.

61
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,239
What the hell did you
just say about my hair?

62
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,640
But I think you need to prove
it to thon daddies of yours.

63
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:50,799
Maybe you could do something
thoughtful for them.

64
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,439
A boy is treated by his daddies,

65
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,240
but a man treats the daddies
whom raised him.

66
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,600
Is there anything they like?

67
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,960
Oh, fuck, I don't know.

68
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,719
Well, what sort of
thing are they into?

69
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,479
I don't know.

70
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,040
Ah, well, do you know
anything they do?

71
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,159
They make me dinner sometimes.

72
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,839
And what sort of food do they like?

73
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,999
- Erm...
- Come on, J-man.

74
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,680
I know there's something
rattling about that skull.

75
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,239
When I scrape the mushrooms
off my pizza,

76
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,959
my daddies gobble them up
real quick!

77
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,879
There he is.

78
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,559
You're so fucking sexy.

79
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,199
Ah! Ah!
SHE GIGGLES

80
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,919
Oh!

81
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,639
God, you'd look good
as a bald wee spud.

82
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,839
SHE LAUGHS

83
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,200
Can we please stop
talking about my hair, baby?

84
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,679
SHE LAUGHS

85
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,760
Lorcy, look. Look at that donkey.

86
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,519
That ass got an arse.

87
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,439
SHE LAUGHS

88
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,919
Lorcy, can I "arse" you a question?

89
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,959
Can I arse you
a question about arses?

90
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:11,559
When you "arse-ume", you make
an arse out of you and me.

91
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:17,759
-
- An arse, arse, arse, arse,
arse, arse, arse, arse, arse...

92
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,920
Well, all this speakin' of arse,
I'm away to empty mine.

93
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,279
Gemma, Gemma...

94
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,239
Oh, where did you even come from?

95
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,759
How long has it been going on?

96
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,519
How long has what been going on?

97
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,119
I walked in on you two
the other day,

98
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,479
when Lorcan was on all fours.

99
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,559
Yeah?

100
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,920
I know he was tooting
on your face, Gemma.

101
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,119
Sorry, wh-what?

102
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,320
I've been in the exact same boat.

103
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:53,919
HE SIGHS

104
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,479
We were having
a cheese toastie night.

105
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,399
It started out great,

106
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,559
then it turned into
a bit of a competition -

107
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,679
who could eat the most
sort of thing, you know?

108
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,959
I got two in me,

109
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,800
Jordan got four,
and Lorcan...

110
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,000
...13.

111
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,319
Next thing I know,
Jordan is pinning me down

112
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,399
and Lorcan is farting
all over my face.

113
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,879
How do you like
one of these, bai?

114
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,279
From my forehead to my chin.

115
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,799
FART ECHOES

116
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,199
Everyone thought it was funny.

117
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,039
How's that taste, hai?

118
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,480
I didn't.

119
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,439
The point I'm making, Gemma,
is, I want to be brave enough

120
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,399
to stand up for you,
because I wasn't brave enough

121
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,040
to stand up for myself.

122
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,879
OK, erm...
SHE LAUGHS

123
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,959
Cally, Lorcan wasn't
farting in my face.

124
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,199
He wasn't?

125
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,679
No! Course not.

126
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,440
No, I was just eating his arse.

127
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,439
What's that?

128
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,199
It's analingus.

129
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,359
The airline?

130
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,999
N... No, no, no.

131
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,120
Analingus is when you
stick your tongue up someone's arse.

132
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,599
Why would you do that, Gemma?

133
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,479
Callum, sorry,
why wouldn't I wanna do that?

134
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,759
Have you not seen his arse?
It's perfect.

135
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,079
It's like two scoops of ice cream
and I just wanna... I just wanna...

136
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,439
SMACKS LIPS
Do you know what I mean?

137
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:13,919
I just wanna have a little...

138
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,519
HE RETCHES
What the hell?

139
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,519
Urgh!

140
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,399
Callum, have you seriously
never heard of eating arse before?

141
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,519
No! No, I haven't, Gemma.

142
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,399
It's perfectly natural.
What the...?

143
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,999
- I shared an ice lolly with you!
- HE RETCHES

144
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,919
Yeah, it was a lovely moment,
Callum. What...?

145
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,680
HE RETCHES AND COUGHS

146
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,840
What the fuck?

147
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:48,879
HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYS

148
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,600
Er...

149
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,000
HE SHRIEKS

150
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,480
What?!

151
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:19,880
Oh, God.

152
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480
HE EXHALES HEAVILY

153
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:38,119
Well, he walked up in
his lovely, tiny shirt,

154
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,719
I thought his eyes
were gonna pop out.

155
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,639
I love a man who makes an effort.

156
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:47,319
Well, he does seem to
really like you, Grainne.

157
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,839
Not that he wouldn't.

158
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,599
Look, I understand
your daddily concerns.

159
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:57,239
He's your babby boy. Don't want the
hounds of love tearing him asunder.

160
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:01,079
He's just a very sensitive young
man. He's never had a female...

161
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,999
...interaction, so...

162
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,039
Listen, Daddies...
May I call you Daddies?

163
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,999
Just leave it to me.

164
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,920
Grainne Duffy is gonna make
a man out of your son...

165
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,799
Two mushroom carbonaras

166
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,319
for two mushroom-loving daddies.

167
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,720
You remembered?

168
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,680
-
- Eat the hell up!
HE LAUGHS

169
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,439
Oh, my! This is... delicious, Jordan.

170
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,239
Grainne gave me the recipe.

171
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,840
She's been teaching me so much.

172
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:43,359
Daddies, respectfully, I'd like
if Grainne could stay over tonight,

173
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,120
if that's cool with you guys.

174
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,279
Only if Grainne
teaches us the recipe!

175
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,080
THEY LAUGH

176
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,639
I'll make a man out of you yet.

177
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,839
What did you say?

178
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,599
Oh, I didn't even know
I was talking.

179
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,720
THEY LAUGH

180
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,839
There has been one
defining moment in my life -

181
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,839
kissing you for the first time
four days ago.

182
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,159
And now showing you my willy
is about to be the second.

183
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,079
What do you say Grawn-Prawn?

184
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,040
Do you wanna see my chamber
of secrets?

185
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,719
What's wrong?

186
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,319
Did you look at
the website I showed you?

187
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,119
Uh-huh. It was wild interesting

188
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,719
seeing all the world's
average sizes.

189
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,119
Yeah, it's good to have
the wider context.

190
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,559
I love you so fucking much.

191
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,480
Oh, it's the trilby, darling.

192
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,960
It's a bit of a boner-kill.

193
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,320
It's not so much the hat
as to why you're wearing it.

194
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,479
Because I'm a cool guy
who wears cool hats.

195
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,999
My daddy used to wear hats.

196
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,279
Boaters, Panamas, porkpies, the lot.

197
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,559
Right on.

198
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:59,479
Everyone thought he was so bold
and confident with his choices,

199
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,440
but I knew better, Jordan.

200
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,600
He was a fuckin' coward...

201
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:12,039
...hiding his big, beautiful,
natural, bald head.

202
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,879
You wanna show me your manhood?

203
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,279
Yes.

204
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:19,199
How about you show me
the man first?

205
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,480
Grainne.

206
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,759
There's one thing
and one thing only

207
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,159
I will not tolerate under my roof!

208
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,199
Eatin' arse!

209
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,599
Gemma, I think
it goes without saying,

210
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,959
we do not discuss sexual matters
with my da.

211
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,799
I haven't done that in ages.

212
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,359
It was me.

213
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,719
You've a lot to
answer for this time, buddy.

214
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,799
Tooting in someone's face
not enough for you, eh?

215
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,479
Oh, this again?

216
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,919
I have apologised for
this profusely, Cal.

217
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,279
I got conjunctivitis
for three weeks.

218
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,799
I...

219
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,159
I am really worried about you two.

220
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,159
The things I've read
on the internet!

221
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,479
Are you even wearing
a dental dam, Gemma?

222
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,639
No, of course I'm not wearing
a bloody dental damn!

223
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,919
I want to feel every last wrinkle.

224
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,319
Fuck!

225
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,639
HE RETCHES

226
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,359
{\an8}I thought I'd seen it all.

227
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,639
Farmers' market
after-parties in the late '70s.

228
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,799
Jesus, Da.

229
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,159
Ballymacnoose blowjob-mania
the entire decade of the '80s.

230
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,239
You couldn't move
for gettin' sucked.

231
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,079
But you have taken it to
a whole different level, son.

232
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,599
If you're Grampy Bog Bogs
could see you now,

233
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,759
he'd be flipping in his grave
like a tiddlywink.

234
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,879
What I do with my arse
should not concern you, Daddy.

235
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:47,399
Mr Boggins, eating your son's arse
is just my love language!

236
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,880
Under my roof, my rules!

237
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,359
Ye can continue wi' your wildebeest
activity wi' this harlot,

238
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,079
but you'll not be doing it here.

239
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,319
What's it gonna be?

240
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,360
Lorcy...

241
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,440
Seriously?

242
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,119
Gemma, why don't we just stick
to the plain old vanilla ridin'?

243
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,319
We could try that thing where
I buck you upside down.

244
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,520
I've no issue there.
It'd be just as God intended.

245
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,320
Yer Grampy Bog Bogs
would be proud of you.

246
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,759
Hey, Jordo.

247
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,439
We were just chatting.

248
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,599
Wouldn't it be fun to go on
a double date with Grawny,

249
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,279
maybe to see
The Ballymacnoose Players?

250
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,680
I think I'll pass.

251
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,439
Has something happened
between you and Grainne?

252
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,639
HE SIGHS

253
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,599
My old lady wants me
to be a better man.

254
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,519
I mean, where does it end, Daddies?

255
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,519
Carbonara? Am-dram theatre?

256
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,880
Ah, God,
I'll have to get a job, Daddies.

257
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,680
I'll literally kill myself
if I have to work.

258
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,880
Do whatever she says, son.

259
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,479
But if you love someone,
you shouldn't try and change them.

260
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,079
Yeah, well, that's
a common misconception.

261
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,559
But it's actually the opposite.

262
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:20,159
It's normal and good to change
yourself on a deep, deep level

263
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,160
when you start a relationship.

264
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,199
Maybe it's time
I put my big-boy pants on...

265
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,720
Big-man pants, son.

266
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,399
-
- There is one thing,
and one thing only

267
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,479
I will not tolerate
under my roof.

268
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,080
Eatin' arse!

269
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,919
It'll be an honour
and a privilege to eat your arse.

270
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,640
Tooting in someone's face
not enough for you, ah?

271
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:07,200
Lorcan Boggins, what has your
arsehole got you into this time?

272
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,479
I had a wee bit of leftover gammon.

273
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,399
Thought you
might wanna eat something,

274
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,159
seeing as you're not doing
as much eating lately.

275
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,200
Urgh...

276
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,520
Urgh.

277
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,039
Just as I thought - a perfect head.

278
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,480
It'll look great.

279
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,519
Who do you think
I'm gonna look like?

280
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,679
Who do you think I'm gonna say?

281
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,039
After three.
One, two, three...

282
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,960
- Tom Hardy.
- Exactly! Thomas Harding.

283
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,400
You're twice the man
my daddy ever was, Jordan.

284
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,080
Unsheathe me of
this silly hair, baby.

285
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,839
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
There he is!

286
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,679
CLIPPERS HUM

287
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,759
HE MOANS SOFTLY

288
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,399
I just don't think the men
of Ballymacnoose are ready for it.

289
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,279
We've only just found out about
slim-fit jeans, for Christ's sake.

290
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,079
Ah, come on, Lorcy, that's
pussy talk and you know it.

291
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:30,159
I can't push it,
especially not on Cal.

292
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,679
After what I did to him.

293
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,279
Yeah, you pooted in his face
and now you're pooting in mine.

294
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,319
Yeah, farting in someone's
face right? That's wrong.

295
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,399
But eating someone's arse,
it just...

296
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,479
...it really isn't.

297
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,039
Come on, Lorc, fuck, I saw the way
you were walking afterwards,

298
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,039
I mean, you were
practically gliding!

299
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,999
I thought you were going
to take off at some point.

300
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,239
It was like I was seeing
colour for the first time.

301
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,159
So the men of Ballymacnoose
aren't ready to change.

302
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,880
You make them ready, Lorc.

303
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,119
Like a Martin Luther King-type
figure?

304
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,719
Yeah, or a...

305
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,400
Captain Tom, lapping it up
on his Zimmer frame.

306
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,080
Or a Lorcan Boggins.

307
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,159
Arse up...

308
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,200
...on all fours...

309
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,200
...just the way I like him.

310
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,960
You've pissed yourself...

311
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,959
SCREAMING

312
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,759
-
- Jordan?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

313
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,000
Jordy!

314
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,399
Jordy, we're coming!

315
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,119
DADDIES!

316
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,920
- Are you OK?
- DADDIES!

317
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:40,800
What have you done?

318
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,319
Just let me get this last wee bit.

319
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,879
Ye look stunning, Jordan.

320
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,719
Just like the champagne
pappy his self.

321
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,399
He looks like Thomas Hardy!

322
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,120
Let him be the man
he was always destined for.

323
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,799
Jordy-Pordy pudding and pie,
I love ye!

324
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,079
My hair! My hair!

325
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:08,279
HE SCREAMS

326
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,560
TAPPING
Hello? Hello?

327
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,679
HE CLEARS THROAT

328
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:22,999
I just wanna say up front that,

329
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,759
no, this is not
a pregnancy announcement.

330
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,519
Me and Gemma are using
protective sleeves at the minute

331
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,359
and are happy doing so.

332
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,480
Nah, this is bigger news
than a silly baby.

333
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:34,999
HE SIGHS

334
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,079
One week ago to the day,
Gemma Wilton performed upon me,

335
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,120
Lorcan Boggins,
the act of analingus...

336
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,599
...more colloquially known
as eatin' arse.

337
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,959
GROANING

338
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,919
-
- Fuck me.

339
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,199
-
- Jesus Christ!

340
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,719
Yes, you heard that correctly.

341
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,519
I am a proud member of
the arse-eating receiver community.

342
00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:00,840
And I owe my member's card to
a very... very wonderful woman.

343
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,839
A woman who's stuck by me,
when I'm grumpy, when I'm tired,

344
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,839
when I come home
and my wellies are full of muck

345
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,480
and I don't feel like
playing tickle monster.

346
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,240
She sees me at my best...

347
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,800
...and she holds me at my worst.

348
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,040
She loves me so much
that she's willing to...

349
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:30,239
No, EXCITED to lick me down
and lick me into fucking shape.

350
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,719
Gemma Wilton, I love you,

351
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,599
and I love the 'hings you do to me.

352
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,599
And I don't give
a donkey's dingleberry

353
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,679
what the heckin' hoot anyone,
neither my friends,

354
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,279
my family...

355
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,960
...nor God up in heaven
'hink about that.

356
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,959
Loose lips sink ships.

357
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:53,160
Well, I've a new saying, and it goes
a little something like this.

358
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,240
A tongue up the arse is
the ultimate act of love.

359
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,079
Now, it's not as pithy
and it don't rhyme...

360
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,800
...but it's true.

361
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,840
By God, it's true.

362
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,400
APPLAUSE BUILDS

363
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,680
That's a Boggins man right there.

364
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,360
I might try
and get my arse eaten sometime.

365
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,679
♪ Cos we're on fire tonight

366
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,999
♪ We've never felt this high

367
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,959
♪ We're on fire tonight

368
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,079
♪ Our flames can reach the sky

369
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,999
♪ Still we beat the odds
We overcame

370
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,399
♪ When they said
Don't bother trying

371
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,079
♪ We're on fire tonight

372
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,600
♪ We've never felt this high... ♪